


Taking Off

by suzukia



Series: memoirs [2]
Category: ONE OK ROCK
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-22 23:49:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11977683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzukia/pseuds/suzukia
Summary: He knew the pain he’d go through as soon as he noticed the other’s absence, he knew about the tears that would start falling once he was alone again. He knew he should let go of Toru if he didn’t want himself to get hurt any more.





	Taking Off

_Realising, everything I love is slowly killing me  
__  
We’re taking off together  
__Even though we always crash and burn  
__Tonight you and I will fall from the sky  
__Drag me all the way to hell  
__‘Cause I’m never gonna let it go  
_  
_Don’t lie, you know everything you do is killing me_  
  
  
Toru’s fingers on his skin burned like fire, like something he should not come in contact with if he didn’t want his body to get hurt. It pained so badly, despite his touch being familiar, his smell, the sound of his voice - things Taka had come to know so well over the years. He sighed and leaned back into the pillows. Toru was gentle, took good care of his body but still, every brush of his fingertips, every kiss that he placed on his evenly tanned skin, every word the other whispered into his ears hurt Taka and broke him apart more and more.  
  
Toru wasn’t good for him.  
  
“Taka, c’mon,” the other moaned as he rocked their bodies in a steady rhythm. It had started a few months ago, an idea that had popped up out of nowhere and Taka wished, wished so desperately, they’d never come up with anything that night let alone having agreed to it. Having sex to help them let go of their daily stress had sounded like a win win situation; taking care of your needs without wasting time having to look for potential partners. They had wanted to have some fun, wanted to relax and it all had worked out until Taka had noticed something with him that had eventually turned out to be a big problem: he got attached. Toru would caress him, make him feel loved, make him feel happy only to leave Taka before the other even woke up the next morning. And this was something that was difficult to deal with.  
  
The other side of the bed would still be warm when he woke up, the other pillow would still smell like the blond and Taka would feel emptier than he ever had before. Emptier than the night before, emptier than the previous week, emptier than whenever Toru looked at him through eyes that only friends were considered with. And it would break Taka’s heart.  
  
“…’s…so close, Toru…,” Taka whimpered, squirmed underneath the taller body. Occasions like this were the only chances he got to get close to the younger even though he knew better than that. He knew the pain he’d go through as soon as he noticed the other’s absence, he knew about the tears that would start falling once he was alone again. He knew he should let go of Toru if he didn’t want himself to get hurt any more.  
  
What a masochist he had become, his volition slipping through the other’s fingers like the blond strands he sometimes was able to brush his own through.  
  
Not falling in love bad been the one single condition under which they both had agreed to this affair and here he was, clinging onto the other body as if its very presence was the only thing that kept him sane. It had been one simple rule and Taka had still managed to fail fulfilling even that. Toru didn’t know about his inner conflict, of course he didn’t, and he would never find out. Being physically close to him was better than nothing, better than having the blond avoiding him because of his feelings in any case.  
  
Toru fell onto the mattress next to him, breathing heavily.  
  
“God,” he groaned. “Being on tour really makes you neglect your needs.” There was a genuine smile sent in Taka’s direction when in reality the vocalist wished for those well defined lips to cover his own more than anything. They didn’t kiss, never had. That was something only lovers did and that’s not what they were. Lovers.  
  
“Are you gonna stay the night?” Taka asked carefully, rolling onto his stomach. It wouldn’t make a difference whether Toru left now or in a few hours because Taka would be waking up alone either way, yet being curled next to someone else helped him fall asleep. For a few hours it would chase away the loneliness that he had so much of caged inside his heart because he’d fallen for the one single person he could not have.  
  
“No, sorry,” Toru answered, slowly getting up from the bed, and grabbed his black shirt that had carelessly been thrown to the ground prior. “I’m actually seeing someone tonight.” As he put on his pants he checked his phone, smirking at whatever he got to read on it and Taka didn’t like the sight, didn’t like not knowing what was going on in the other’s life outside of the band anymore.  
  
They’d been close, they’d known everything about each other. But things changed. Time passed. People grew older, gained life experience, found their significant other and fell in love. Some had luck and others got their heart broken. That’s how things were, that’s what he had to accept.  
  
“Is she pretty?”  
  
“Very.” Taka blinked, watched Toru head towards the door. He hadn’t meant to actually ask that question. He hadn’t meant to receive information he wasn’t able to handle. He hadn’t meant to find out Toru would be having a date with a beautiful woman, a person whose position Taka would never be able to be in. Toru was his forbidden fruit: the most beautiful among them all but the only one he wasn’t allowed to taste. “I’ll be off then. Goodnight, Taka.”  
  
The door closed before he could give a response and for another night, another endless night, Taka was left alone in a bed that felt way too big for only one person. Toru wasn’t aware of what he did to him, how could he know, how could he have an idea of how miserable Taka was as soon as he left. Having fallen in love had been his very own fault, not being able to end whatever weird affair they were having because he was so dependant on the other’s closeness was his own problem too. And being so helplessly in love, being so helplessly at someone’s mercy was hell.  
  
And it killed him inside. Every day a little more.  
  
Taka bit his lip as he felt the salty tears fall from his eyes, falling onto the white fabric of his bedsheets.

**Author's Note:**

> Why is Toru always the one suffering? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
